Wonderful memories in an amazing land...

The last week that it has been since I last posted has been pretty eventful for me. I have been quite busy with friends and family and just truly having a great time while being back home. As expected the time has been going by quicker and quicker, but as the time draws near I feel I am more mentally prepared to leave again than when I first arrived on leave. In many ways I'm actually looking forward to it. My close friends with whom I have spent all day every day with in some of the most trying days of my life are where I will be heading and I do miss them. I am looking forward to being able to swap stories, to share with them all that I have done, and to hear the stories of life as it went on in Iraq. It will be difficult to say goodbye to many people that love and care for me here, but they understand that it will not be too much longer until all of this madness is over and I can return to this wonderful land for good.

One thing that I was able to to while on leave was to get a new tattoo that I have been looking at getting for several months now. The last tattoo I got was a couple days after I turned 18. I won't even bother putting up a picture of that one because, well, its pretty pathetic, especially now with this new tattoo. I had a design that I liked and a buddy of mine, Redd, took that design and redid it and I think he did an amazing job. This new tattoo, a sweet tribal design, stretches from my shoulder, down my arm, to just above my elbow. It took the better part of 5 hours, and YES, in some parts it did hurt, or well stung really bad. But once it was done I was stoked about it and I couldn't of asked for much better! I've uploaded a picture of it, so please forgive the farmers tan. ;)

Friday evening I ended up heading to a local elementry school with a friend of mine to help out with their Halloween Open House thing they had setup. Everyone was dressed up and so I went with the lazy man outfit and I dressed up as an "Overworked Underpaid Government Worker." Or as some would ask by my outfit, "Are you in the Army?" Hahaha, ok I thought I would just have some fun with it. Anyways I had finally just adjusted to wearning civilian clothers and so wearing the military uniform was a little different, but it felt good too. I had the chance to talk with many people and received a lot of support from complete strangers. It was also an amazing experience to be able to help out with these kids. I was having a blast joking around with them and just enjoying the evening. It was extremely crowded but it surely hit home with me the beauty and opportunity that we have available to us in our country. Quite a change from the last holiday I came from in Iraq, Ramadan.

This morning I had a chance to go to church with one of my friends and her family. I have attended this church service on many occassions and they have always made me feel at home. They have been a huge support during my entire military tour, especially during this deployment. I have received many letters from members of the congregation and to be able to see many of the people who have been offering thier support and prayers while I was home was a great feeling. I cannot wait to attend again once I am back for good. I know with the amount of prayers that they are sending that we definatly have Gods attention on us, and that gives me comfort.

So on the subject of Iraq, I had noticed that for pretty much the first week of being home I hadn't heard a single thing on the news or radio about Iraq. Now granted I wasn't sitting and watching the news all the time, but I figured I would of heard something in that time. I guess the fact that things have quieted down, there is no "news worthy" stories. How sad. Unfortunatly yesterday I finally heard some news on, well, Afghanistan actually. It pains me to think about it, but a soldier with his home in Phoenix, AZ was killed durring combat along with another soldier from Oregon. This news report came after a quick story on the return of 150 AZ National Guard soldiers. It hit home when they reported on and showed the reactions of the soldiers to the fact that one of their own would not be returning with them. I felt for them as myself and the guys in my unit know all too well what this is like. I'm just glad that so many of them DID make it through. I can only hope for the same with my unit as well as all the guys that are serving overseas right now.

I have read of others experiences of being back home and I wondered how frequent the common questions I hear people get asked truly come about. You know, the "What is Iraq like?" or "Have you killed anyone?" I've managed to answer the first one with just as vague of an answer that seems to satisfy people. I simply say, "Well, Iraq is.... Iraq!" But its the second of these questions that I have had a difficult time dealing with. I made the mistake of sharing from a story that pertains from this exact question, and well, as expected the reactions were not something that I was used to dealing with. I have decided that I will no longer tell many people, at least face to face, about this experience. The hardest thing though now is how to answer that question. I mean, do you REALLY want to know? I don't want people to look at me differntly for experiences that I've had in Iraq, but I have a feeling it is something that I am going to have to accept. No one that has been there will truly be able to completely understand many of the experiences from that place. I can totally see where others in the past have talked about only being able to truly share completely with those who have experienced the hell that is war.

Durring the past week and a half I have had several experiences that had me take a step back and think about how spending the last 10 months of my life in Iraq, a place unlike anywhere or anything I have ever done before, has affected my perceptions and my mentality while here at home. The first of these occured the other day while I was sitting in my hotel room. It was the middle of the afternoon and I was sitting in my bed watching TV when all of a sudden I heard two successive gun shots from somewhere out my window, a little ways off. I immediately jumped up and ran to the side of the window and pushed the curtain out of the way. I began immediately scanning the business district behind the hotel I am staying in. I was scanning the typical places, rooftops, windows, near vechicles, and people that I saw moving around. I realized that I was unarmed and in the moment that I was about to grab for my gun, it slapped me in the face that I was NOT in Iraq. I continued to scanning for a few more seconds before I pulled myself away from the window and took the time to reflect on what the hell was going on inside of my head. I knew by looking that I wasn't in Iraq, but for those brief moments that I was initially scanning out the window, I felt almost as if I was in that type of enviroment. I figure this is to be expected initially, but it was a surreal feeling. Its amazing how your brain can become conditioned to something so well that it immediately snaps into what it has been trained to deal with.

Another of these incidents was after seeing the horror movie "30 Days of Night." I won't tell you about the movie, because I think if you enjoy horror movies you should definatly see this one. It was an intense movie. By far one of the bloodiest, gorey and thrilling movies I've seen. The thing was that this movie really had me on edge. Just as most horror movies do, they build things up, set the scene where you have the feeling and knowing that something is about to happen, and then just like that they hit you with the right music and extremly loud shocking sounds and instantly you are terrified for a brief period of time. Then it goes on you begin to calm down and the process begins again. This movie did this over and over and over again, and by the end it had really gotten inside of my head and I was partially terrified and totally on edge. I was talking with the girl I went with on the way back to the car and on the ride home and I was trying to explain to her about why I was so on edge because of it. I feel it has to do with how similar the horror movie experience is to combat. When things go bad, its just the same, you feel it and you know it, and then just like that, still totally taken by suprise you are in a totally fearful situation. And it goes in waves, just like the movie. I think being put in a similar type of experience as that just put my brain in a combat like mentality and there wasn't much I could do about it. It took me some time, but I finally came back from being so on edge. It was quite the experience, and I decided that as much as I love horror movies, I may stay away from them for a brief period of time once I return!

Well this is turning in to quite the long post so I will finish up with this last experience. Just a short time ago the Boston Red Soxs defeated the Colorado Rockies to sweep the World Series. At the begin they began as they always do by singing the Star Spangeled Banner. I don't know what it was about it, but it had me completely emotional. It wasn't that the singing was that fantastic (although it was very good) but I believe as I was listening to the words, I began really thinking about things. About my life for the past 10 months, about my life for the next 4 or so when I return to Iraq and also I was thinking about the beauty that is America. We have such an amazing country and it is something that I have had my eyes opened to even more than before. I love our country, what it stands for and what we do as a people. I am so greatful to be able to live in such a great nation. As I thought about all, heard the beautiful singing, the roar of the crowd and saw the HUGE American flag, it all hit me at once and thankfully I was alone, because I was on the verge of tearing up. So many emotions that I just hold back during the normal course of my life lately all came up to attack me at once. Emotions that let me know I am so proud to be an American!

Being home is..... different

I have to start off by saying that I am loving being back home. I've been having a great time so far, and I still have much more fun stuff planned in the next week or so that I will be back. Shoot, the Arizona State Fair is in town and I still have yet to go to that! I can't wait, because I hear that they have 14 new rides, bringing the grand total to sowhere around 75. I haven't had the chance to go to the fair in years, because the time when it is normally in town I had been stuck in NC thanks to the Army. So its a nice suprise to have the fair in town and I will definatly be hitting that up here soon.

Time at first was going VERY slow. The first 4 days seemed like over a week to me and I was excited at the possibility that my leave would take so long to pass. Now things seem to be going by quicker and with the different plans that I am trying to juggle and make work with the limited number of days I have left, it feels like there is just not enough time. The past 3 days have flown by and I dont like that. I don't know if its a shift in my perception or attitude or what, but I want things to be back how they were; taking forever!

I won't go in to all the little details of everything I've done while I've been back so far, but just know that I am truly have a great time. This is by far the best leave that I have ever had while in the Army and I'm stoked that things are going so well. One thing of note is that I ended up buying a handgun a few days ago. I'll throw up a picture, but it sure is a sweet peice of work. Ironically the state of Arizona put me on a delayed hold to get my gun, so it took 4 or 5 days until I was actually able to pick it up. In case anyone is wondering what kind it is, its a Sig Saur 229 .40 S&W!! Its funny because I had never fired a handgun, not even with the Army and so when I went to test fire it, I was pretty much figuring things out as I went. I had them explain some things to me quickly, but I didn't want them to think that I had never done this because I was afraid they would not let me shoot off some ammo on the range. Anyways, once I got everything figured out I had a blast with it and much to my suprise my shooting was pretty dead on. This was also the first time that I had ever fired any gun outside of the Army, and this purchase was my first firearm purchase. I definatly think I made a great first purchase though and I'm loving it! Its just too bad I can't bring that bad boy back to Iraq with me! :)



Being on leave I've had a lot of time to appreciate all the little things in life and about being back home that I took for granted before in my life. The place looks so beautiful and clean and safe and its just such a change from where I have been living for almost the past year. It is absolutely amazing to be back in such a wonderful place again you have no idea. But one thing that I had thought might bother me when I thought about coming home has in a way done just that. What I figured before I left to come home was that seeing everyone going about their daily lives, with not a care in the world might irk me a little bit. And to be honest it has.

Now don't get me wrong, I dont have any feelings of hatred or anything like that, but I guess it kind of bugs me that the general public has "turned the channel" on the Iraq war. The war has been going on for almost 5 years, and even longer for the war in Afghanistan, and I believe with the attitudes of a lot of the people in Congress and the Main Stream Media, that people have had plenty of reason to feel the way they do towards this war. The problem for me is that life over there is hell at times. We do what we do thinking about back home, and thinking about the difference it makes for the people in Iraq, back home, and around the world, and to come back and see people going about their daily lives, tuned out to the war that is going on, well, it just puts a knot in my stomach sometimes. I mean, I guess I should be happy, that people are able to go about their lives in such a manner, to where they don't have to "worry" about the war, but I think the complete general disconnect between the American people's lives and the lives of those fighting to protect just that is what gets to me.

Trust me too in that I know not everone is like this. I mean, those of you who are even reading this right now show me that there are people, lots of people who do care and who are truly thankful and interested in what the soldiers, sailors, airmen and marines are doing over there. I don't want to wrap up everyone within the blanket of feelings that I have from the previous paragraph, but I do feel that those people are the vast majority of the people in America today. I've even heard some very hateful things coming from the mouths of people in positions to influence the masses that just truly pisses me off.

It makes me wonder sometimes. But thinking back, I guess I should be thankful. I read about and see video and pictures from the 60's and 70's and the things that the soldiers of that time and that war had to deal with when coming home was 100,000 times worse. I have to tip my hat to those guys for they are great men to of come through all of that. I can only imagine how tough that must of been, and in retrospect maybe its really not all that bad now. We do have the support of most Americans, as soldiers, even if they do not support George Bush or the war. But something about it still just sits weird with me.

Welcome Home!!!

WOW! Let me start off by saying how awesome it is being home. I can't believe how much I missed "normal" life and all that comes with it. I have to admit that it is still a little weird being back. I look at myself in civilian clothes and it feels like I'm dressing up for Halloween or something. Getting used to traffic, and just being in civilized world is definatly an experience.

Arriving in the United States after hours upon hours of flying was a great feeling. When we landed at Dallas Ft Worth Airport we received a welcoming that I would not of expected. First as our plane was taxiing from the runway to our gate the Dallas Fire Deparetment was out there and wanted to show their appreciation for the troops returning home. What they did was something amazing and unique. It is called the "Shower of Affection." They brought 2 fire trucks out there that shoot the jets of water out the front and sprayed towards each other creating this arch of water that our plane drove through. We were all amazed on the plane and it was an awesome show they put on! If anyone from the Dallas fire department happens to read this, I want to say thank you for that!!

Once we got to our gate and we got off the plane as we came out in to the airport there were a couple hundread people cheering for us with signs of appreciation! It was almost overwhelming! There were so many people and it sent tingles down my spine to hear the cheers as we walked by. There were many many vets there to shake our hands and say thank you. I couldn't believe it. It was awesome to have them there I must say. I wanted to thank them instead of them thanking me but they wouldn't have it. And there were just SO many of them. They had "welcome home" type of care packages and everything. People with lighters and cigarettes and food and water and cellphones for guys to call home. It was amazing. I didn't expect anything like that for our return home and it was wonderful!

I had about 6 hour layover before I could go home to Phoenix. I tried getting an earlier flight but they were all booked. I linked up with a guy from the 3rd ID that was going to Phoenix as well and we just chilled until our flight time. About an hour before our boarding time we ran in to this awesome man and woman and they invited us in to the First Class Lounge which was very nice of them. We sat in there and enjoyed the ammenities before we finally boarded our flight home. Once home, we both rented rentals cars and got amazing deals on them from the people working there. I rented a 07 Chevy Trailblazer and I'm loving it! :)

So far the past 3 days that I have been back have been truly amazing! I've had a great time and have had the opportunity to spent time with my family and some amazing people so far. Im absolutly loving it. One of my friends from Bragg and Iraq came to Vegas for a few days of his leave to visit some family, so I said screw it and made the 5 hour drive up here and currently I am in Las Vegas!!! My is this place amazing and a culture shock from what we just came from. We went down the strip last night and all the lights and people and energy was intense. Its crazy to think that just over a week ago I was walking through the streets of Baghdad, and now I'm walking down one of the most famous, high energy, amzing streets in the world. Its all still so crazy to me!

We ended up heading to the stratosphere which looks just like the seatle space needle and went to the top to ride the thrill rides up there. I'll include some pictures (i didn't take them) of the rides we rode in order of the ones I talk about. We did them late at night so just imagine some of these pictures at night with all the lights of Vegas and just the added fear of night! It was awesome and some of them definately scared me. The first one we rode was called the "Big Shot" which basically shoots you about 100 feet in the air and then immediately drops you down almost the same, giving you a good couple seconds of weightless, gut in mouth feeling! It then bounces up and down giving you similiar feelings, but not as intense as the first shot. What makes all these crazier is they are already on top of the stratosphere which is already I believe, 109 stroies high!! The second ride we did was called "Insanity" and it is just that. It has these arms that at the end of each seat two people, 5 arms total on the ride. Once everyone is in, the railing on the side of the structure goes down and this contraption roates off the side of the building suspending you high above Vegas. It then begins spinning and as it spins the arms move outward so that you are facing straight down at the ground 110 stories below spinning around. It was so scary yet so much fun! The thrid and final ride we went on was called "Xscream!" I thought this would be scarrier but it wasn't as bad as I though. Basically you get in this roller coaster looking thing and it shoots you off the side of the building on this short track and stops you rapidly creating the feeling like your flying off the side of the building. Me and my buddy got to sit in the very front seats so it was quite the experience and view. All three rides were awesome and I enjoyed them much. Again see below for the pictures.

Well, I'll go ahead and wrap this up for now. I should be heading back to Phoenix tomorrow or the next day, but know that I am doing good. The only thing I don't like about being home is the fact that now I don't want to go back to Iraq. I don't like thinking like that, but its how I feel. I don't know if I can speak for other people on this, but this is how I looked at things. While over there, its not that I persay forgot about home and what its like, but I definatly held it in lesser of a reality than it is right now. The greatness of America and all that we have seemed so foreign to me, and in a way it allowed me to be able to do my job effectively. I had no problem going in to dangerous situations because it was if I felt that Iraq was all I had at that present time and the idea of not making it home was no all that horrible to me. If you've seen the HBO series "Band of Brothers" theres a part where this one LT says the best fighters are able to do what they do because "they realize that they are already dead" and thats what allows them to fight the way they do. I pretty much held that idea in my own head and it made me not fearful of the situations in which I was entering. But now, after being home, I see all of what I would be missing out on and I realize that I don't want to loose all that. I want to be able to come home to it all and enjoy it for many many more years of my life. I want that for everyone!

What a wonderful day...

Well today started off with me waking up at 0700 in the morning. Considering I have not been working and have nothing to due but waste away on the internet or playing games or watching movies, my sleep schedule has been all wacked and I have been staying up late. This is no suprise to me though. Well late last night/this morning my old squad leader came back in off of leave. The reason I refer to him as my old squad leader is due to some shifting and changes that came about within our company within the past couple weeks while he was on leave. Ill talk about that another time. Anyways, he ended up stopping by and we ended up talking and whatnot for a while and by the time I finally went to bed I believe it was somewhere around 0300. Needless to say I was pretty tired when it came time to get up.

We woke up and I had to get a nice uniform ready because the reason we were getting up is so that we could attend a ceremony to receive our CIB or Combat Infantrymans Badge. The CIB is a distinctive combat badge that is of course only worn by Infantry soldiers. It is something that every Infantryman looks forward to receiving one day for it means that you have been through the ultimate test in your profession; to handle yourself while under enemy fire. What the CIB represents an experience that all owners will take with them for the rest of their lives, as combat proven Infantryman. Others that see the CIB will know that you've probably seen some shit that they wouldn't care to, yet you volunteered to do.

The thing is that when I get to thinking about it, and I think back to the soldiers of WWII and Vietnam, I realize that in retrospect I really haven't done shit compared to what they have. To them a CIB meant fiercing fighting for days and weeks on end. Countless lost friends, soldiers and years of their lives fighting a determined and tough enemy. My experiences here are nothing like that. Although according to the criteria for the award, I have earned it in every respect. Something that is not always true for many people that come over here. I have been shot at on countless occassions and had the opportunity to fire back and engage the enemy on most of those. I've spent the past 9 months in a hostile combat zone, with an active enemy, living and working everyday in harms way.

But am I really a trial by fire tested combat Infantryman. Would I of handled myself in the same way that those that had come before me would of. I would like to think so, but I will probably never know. This is probably a good thing, and I should be thankful that I don't have to experience that, but it just gets me thinking about the meaning of the badge I will be wearnig. Don't get me wrong. I will wear my CIB proudly and am honored to of been able to serve my country and to help in what ways I could to the Iraqi people. For that I am forever greatful to of been given that opportunity, and will carry those memories with me for the rest of my life.

So with that said, we have official been given our CIBs. Now its just a matter of paperwork to get to us, but after all these years of waiting and wondering if I would get mine, I finally have. As an added bonus to the days celebrations, I got word that my flight out of our FOB here and my 1st leg of my journey home will begin a day early, and in not too long from now, if all goes well, I should be on my way out of here! I still haven't packed tho. I am incredibly lazy I know. Im going to go do that as soon as I finish here actually.

I was watching a movie earlier, and 1/2 way through I paused it to go have a smoke when all of a sudden like a ton of bricks it hit me and I got butterflies and a very giddy feeling. I AM FINALLY GOING HOME!! For the longest time it had been something that seemed so far off, and even as it got close it really didn't feel like it was close. After 9 months, 1 week, and 1 day straight in this place, I am finally getting a much needed break. I can't wait. Just know that I probably will not have much to post for the next few days, but I do plan to keep a few posts coming while I am home. So wish me luck!!

The sky is falling!!!

Well, after almost 6 months (sorry I'm not exactly sure of the last day this happened) a miraculous event has happened, it finally "rained" again. Now, I wouldn't quite call it a rain, but there were definately water droplets falling from the sky. Everyone was excited to finally see some rain again. After the months of dry, dusty weather; suffering through 120+ degree days, this rain on top of the cooler weather is the final sign that we have survived the brutal summer here. Fall is quickly approaching and along with it, beautiful weather. Unfortunately I will be back in the US during most of the great weather, but thats ok, I'll be enjoying myself there. By the time I get back here to Iraq, the weather will probably still be good, but will be on its way towards something I hate even more than 120 degree days; COLD! And in Iraq, the rainy season takes place during the winter, so it will be quite miserable for me. Fortunately the winter shouldn't last near as long as the summer, so it will be a short lived torture.

One thing with the last patrol that I went on is that we ended up having to swing by the Green Zone for something, but this time we headed to a different area that we hadn't been before. As we were driving along, all of a sudden off in the distance we saw the famous Crossed Swords statues from Sadaams war with Iran. We had no clue they were actually this close and after we did what we did, we ended up swinging on by to snap a few pictures. Man, if theres one thing about American soldiers, we sure love to take our pictures, even during times when the last thing you would think someone would do is take a picture! I put up a funny one of me as my new picture on the left side of this page, and I'll throw up one more of me and my team standing beneath the swords.

(Left to Right) Rifleman, ME, Automatic Rifleman, Grenadier

So this last rotation to our combat outpost was not the most pleasant. One thing that is pretty noteworthy is the fact that the one bad area that I always talk about, which has been erily quiet for the past couple months, has erupted during the end of Ramadan. Almost every day or night that we were out at the outpost, we could hear firefights raging in that wasteland of a neighborhood, including one which unfortunately involved guys from our company. I know in my previous posting I didn't give much detail, but just know that everyone is alive, and those injuried are recovering well, at least from the progress reports I've received from other people.

The sad thing about all of this is that I was actually starting to believe that maybe the whole peace process that had been going on in that area was working. Apparently I was wrong, although during the early stages of this process, I had felt it was a waste of time and that these people did not want peace. I should of stayed with that initial intuition, because that is obviously how these people feel. And now, not only are they full of hate and religious preachings to compel them to martyrdom, but they seem to be freshly stocked up on everything they need to make our lives a living hell. The most worrisom of these are the seemingly endless supply of gernades they have available. The other night guys from our company were in there they were "throwing gernades like rice at a wedding" as one of my buddies was telling me. Even another night, when another firefight broke out that didn't involve any Coalition Forces, you could hear the explosions from the gernades one after another after another. All I can hope is that we find a good way to rid these people of their hate or to get rid of the ones that hate. I, as well as others, have our suggestions, but unfortunately our solutions wouldn't be quite the "politically correct" answers that for some god forsaken reason our Army is forced to obide by.

On another note, the Ramadan season has seemed to bring mortars and rocket attacks against our base with it. Just about every day they have been launching attacks. I really hate the rocket attacks because there is such a terrifying screech that comes just as the rocket is about to impact. So now, not only are you running for your life to try to find some cover, but your doing it with heavy shit filled pants. OK not really, but it definately is a scary sound. As far as I'm aware, there have not been any injuries due to any of these attacks. Lets hope the trend continues.

Well Ramadan, thank god, should be just about over here shortly. The 13th of October is the last day of Ramadan, and fortunately for me, I have no more patrols left to go on before I go on leave. Today, is actually the single worst day to be in Iraq because it is the 27th day of Ramadan. If you don't remeber me explaining this before, basically it is the day that most Iraqi's celebrate as being the holiest of holy days, the day that anything they do is magnified 10,000 times in Gods eyes. I technically could of gone out on patrol today since my flight for leave still isnt for a couple days, but that wasn't going to happen. There was no way that the last patrol I would go on before I was to go home on leave would be on the WORST day to go out. Fuck that. So here I am, chilling out, relaxing and trying to enjoy my time off, getting all of my stuff ready so I can come back to the good old US of A!

Fucking Ramadan! My rant...

Fuck this stupid "holiday" and the stupid belief that Allah, or God will bless those whole kill in their name. Screw their belief that there is some holy day, or holy month for that fact, where things they do are magnified 10,000 fold. What kind of religion has a holiday in which they encourage kids to carry around real looking toy guns and the pretend to shoot at Americans. These people are seriously wacked out.

Fuck feeling usless and helpless when right down the road your friends and fellow soldiers are in a fight for, literally their lives, yet theres nothing you can do about it. Sitting around with my thumb up my ass hearing about casualties here and someone killed here, yet continuing to sit on your ass. Why you might ask? Because we are not "needed." Because the battlespace is too crowded with vechicles that belong to huge elements for Majors and other S-Shop working people that have no fucking business being outside the wire, yet alone in a fierce gun battle. I'm sorry you didn't get your CIB in Desert Storm or working in the TOC, but now your risking the lives of people by taking up space when more real soldiers should be out there.

Screw the idea of peace with a group of people that love hate and love to fight. Fuck them for turning against us and taking the perfect opportunity to try to take us out. Screw those that put our guys in a situation like this, and sent them in not fully prepared to deal with what would come. Screw anyone who will sit back after this and not fucking respond swiftly and decisivly. These people are a cancer and they need to be removed. There is no hope for the people of this area; they have proven that time and time again. How long will we continue to sit on our asses and let these sick excuses for human beings exist right under our noses.