Wonderful memories in an amazing land...

The last week that it has been since I last posted has been pretty eventful for me. I have been quite busy with friends and family and just truly having a great time while being back home. As expected the time has been going by quicker and quicker, but as the time draws near I feel I am more mentally prepared to leave again than when I first arrived on leave. In many ways I'm actually looking forward to it. My close friends with whom I have spent all day every day with in some of the most trying days of my life are where I will be heading and I do miss them. I am looking forward to being able to swap stories, to share with them all that I have done, and to hear the stories of life as it went on in Iraq. It will be difficult to say goodbye to many people that love and care for me here, but they understand that it will not be too much longer until all of this madness is over and I can return to this wonderful land for good.

One thing that I was able to to while on leave was to get a new tattoo that I have been looking at getting for several months now. The last tattoo I got was a couple days after I turned 18. I won't even bother putting up a picture of that one because, well, its pretty pathetic, especially now with this new tattoo. I had a design that I liked and a buddy of mine, Redd, took that design and redid it and I think he did an amazing job. This new tattoo, a sweet tribal design, stretches from my shoulder, down my arm, to just above my elbow. It took the better part of 5 hours, and YES, in some parts it did hurt, or well stung really bad. But once it was done I was stoked about it and I couldn't of asked for much better! I've uploaded a picture of it, so please forgive the farmers tan. ;)

Friday evening I ended up heading to a local elementry school with a friend of mine to help out with their Halloween Open House thing they had setup. Everyone was dressed up and so I went with the lazy man outfit and I dressed up as an "Overworked Underpaid Government Worker." Or as some would ask by my outfit, "Are you in the Army?" Hahaha, ok I thought I would just have some fun with it. Anyways I had finally just adjusted to wearning civilian clothers and so wearing the military uniform was a little different, but it felt good too. I had the chance to talk with many people and received a lot of support from complete strangers. It was also an amazing experience to be able to help out with these kids. I was having a blast joking around with them and just enjoying the evening. It was extremely crowded but it surely hit home with me the beauty and opportunity that we have available to us in our country. Quite a change from the last holiday I came from in Iraq, Ramadan.

This morning I had a chance to go to church with one of my friends and her family. I have attended this church service on many occassions and they have always made me feel at home. They have been a huge support during my entire military tour, especially during this deployment. I have received many letters from members of the congregation and to be able to see many of the people who have been offering thier support and prayers while I was home was a great feeling. I cannot wait to attend again once I am back for good. I know with the amount of prayers that they are sending that we definatly have Gods attention on us, and that gives me comfort.

So on the subject of Iraq, I had noticed that for pretty much the first week of being home I hadn't heard a single thing on the news or radio about Iraq. Now granted I wasn't sitting and watching the news all the time, but I figured I would of heard something in that time. I guess the fact that things have quieted down, there is no "news worthy" stories. How sad. Unfortunatly yesterday I finally heard some news on, well, Afghanistan actually. It pains me to think about it, but a soldier with his home in Phoenix, AZ was killed durring combat along with another soldier from Oregon. This news report came after a quick story on the return of 150 AZ National Guard soldiers. It hit home when they reported on and showed the reactions of the soldiers to the fact that one of their own would not be returning with them. I felt for them as myself and the guys in my unit know all too well what this is like. I'm just glad that so many of them DID make it through. I can only hope for the same with my unit as well as all the guys that are serving overseas right now.

I have read of others experiences of being back home and I wondered how frequent the common questions I hear people get asked truly come about. You know, the "What is Iraq like?" or "Have you killed anyone?" I've managed to answer the first one with just as vague of an answer that seems to satisfy people. I simply say, "Well, Iraq is.... Iraq!" But its the second of these questions that I have had a difficult time dealing with. I made the mistake of sharing from a story that pertains from this exact question, and well, as expected the reactions were not something that I was used to dealing with. I have decided that I will no longer tell many people, at least face to face, about this experience. The hardest thing though now is how to answer that question. I mean, do you REALLY want to know? I don't want people to look at me differntly for experiences that I've had in Iraq, but I have a feeling it is something that I am going to have to accept. No one that has been there will truly be able to completely understand many of the experiences from that place. I can totally see where others in the past have talked about only being able to truly share completely with those who have experienced the hell that is war.

Durring the past week and a half I have had several experiences that had me take a step back and think about how spending the last 10 months of my life in Iraq, a place unlike anywhere or anything I have ever done before, has affected my perceptions and my mentality while here at home. The first of these occured the other day while I was sitting in my hotel room. It was the middle of the afternoon and I was sitting in my bed watching TV when all of a sudden I heard two successive gun shots from somewhere out my window, a little ways off. I immediately jumped up and ran to the side of the window and pushed the curtain out of the way. I began immediately scanning the business district behind the hotel I am staying in. I was scanning the typical places, rooftops, windows, near vechicles, and people that I saw moving around. I realized that I was unarmed and in the moment that I was about to grab for my gun, it slapped me in the face that I was NOT in Iraq. I continued to scanning for a few more seconds before I pulled myself away from the window and took the time to reflect on what the hell was going on inside of my head. I knew by looking that I wasn't in Iraq, but for those brief moments that I was initially scanning out the window, I felt almost as if I was in that type of enviroment. I figure this is to be expected initially, but it was a surreal feeling. Its amazing how your brain can become conditioned to something so well that it immediately snaps into what it has been trained to deal with.

Another of these incidents was after seeing the horror movie "30 Days of Night." I won't tell you about the movie, because I think if you enjoy horror movies you should definatly see this one. It was an intense movie. By far one of the bloodiest, gorey and thrilling movies I've seen. The thing was that this movie really had me on edge. Just as most horror movies do, they build things up, set the scene where you have the feeling and knowing that something is about to happen, and then just like that they hit you with the right music and extremly loud shocking sounds and instantly you are terrified for a brief period of time. Then it goes on you begin to calm down and the process begins again. This movie did this over and over and over again, and by the end it had really gotten inside of my head and I was partially terrified and totally on edge. I was talking with the girl I went with on the way back to the car and on the ride home and I was trying to explain to her about why I was so on edge because of it. I feel it has to do with how similar the horror movie experience is to combat. When things go bad, its just the same, you feel it and you know it, and then just like that, still totally taken by suprise you are in a totally fearful situation. And it goes in waves, just like the movie. I think being put in a similar type of experience as that just put my brain in a combat like mentality and there wasn't much I could do about it. It took me some time, but I finally came back from being so on edge. It was quite the experience, and I decided that as much as I love horror movies, I may stay away from them for a brief period of time once I return!

Well this is turning in to quite the long post so I will finish up with this last experience. Just a short time ago the Boston Red Soxs defeated the Colorado Rockies to sweep the World Series. At the begin they began as they always do by singing the Star Spangeled Banner. I don't know what it was about it, but it had me completely emotional. It wasn't that the singing was that fantastic (although it was very good) but I believe as I was listening to the words, I began really thinking about things. About my life for the past 10 months, about my life for the next 4 or so when I return to Iraq and also I was thinking about the beauty that is America. We have such an amazing country and it is something that I have had my eyes opened to even more than before. I love our country, what it stands for and what we do as a people. I am so greatful to be able to live in such a great nation. As I thought about all, heard the beautiful singing, the roar of the crowd and saw the HUGE American flag, it all hit me at once and thankfully I was alone, because I was on the verge of tearing up. So many emotions that I just hold back during the normal course of my life lately all came up to attack me at once. Emotions that let me know I am so proud to be an American!