Friday, April 13, 2007

Friday the 13th will never be the same...

Friday the 13th, a day that is known to be a day of bad luck. Well it definatly was for a man that I encountered on this day.

Basically, I ended up killing a man today. My bullets and my bullets alone were the only ones fired at him. He was about 30 meters from me and I watched as he droped to the ground as my bullets passed through his body. Im not going to share the details of this one, because Im sure you all dont want to really know them, nor do I think I want to really share them. But not only did I kill him, but I had to check his body, move him to be transported away and wash his blood off of the transport vechicle. A little more contact with him than I would of wanted, but whatever.

Its kind of crazy because Ive always wondered about the act of killing. I read a great book called "On Killing" which talkes about the psycology behind killing, training people to kill and the effects of killing. I think he hit it pretty well on the head with his understanding and study of the subject. One part that I want to share that I think was dead on was about the 'Phases of Killing' Basically there are 5 phases he says. 1) Worry about being able to kill 2) The kill and the circumstances 3) Exhiliration of the kill 4) Remorse for the kill and 5) Justification of the kill.

I noticed that I followed this almost to the T. Initially I always wondered how I would react when the time came to kill. I had never been hunting and had never killed anything before in my life and I had always wondered if I would be able to when the time came. In the past gun battles, Ive shot at people many times, but its either been nightime or too much distance to see the effects of my rounds. I think I may have killed or shot someone before, but never knew. This time there is no doubt that it was me. Initially there was the thrill and excitment. I know that sounds sick, but its a great accomplishment to be able to defeat your enemy. Its like hunting, where the other animal is able to shoot back and is hunting you, and when you kill, you win. Anyways, after the fact I started thinking about it and I felt bad that I did have to take the mans life, but in the end it was justified and I know that I had to. Followed the 5 phase path exactly. Just thought that was interesting.

But anyways, Im doing fine. Have no issues with it. And now I, as well as others in my platoon know that if it comes down to my or their life or someone else, they can count on me and that I CAN shoot! :)

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Anonymous said...

Hey, great story. Your page looks excellent, and I am proud to be a part of it. Keep up with the writing; I have found that writing isn't a bad thing, even if you don't have any fucked-up-in-the-head issues. If you need any assistance just drop me an email-

SYLKY said...

Now I get the bloody background... Keep doing your job out there, soldier!!

MS said...

Your reactions sound a lot like what I've seen in personal accounts from World War One.

broca's area said...

interesting to see a person like u blogging!:)....ur experience kust have been horrible[similar to us when some patient dies in front of us]:)